The World According to Glissando

Tag: life

  • Love You to the Moon and Back

    A Real Life Story by Glenn Hansen

    Dedicated to Sweet Judith, wherever you are in God’s universe.

    CHAPTER 12

    My dear friend Carol and another friend, Dawn, started to accompany me on my visits about once a week back in the hospital before the move to Riverview. Both Judy and I appreciated them coming to see her. It added a welcome dimension to the visits. For a few weeks we were able to take Judy to the main floor lounge area in the hospital via wheelchair with a portable oxygen tank and play Scrabble. It was once a week like we had done back at the apartment building when Judy first moved in. It was big fun and a nice distraction for Judy and me too.

    Unfortunately, we were only able to get four games in before Judy became too ill to play. Carol and Dawn still continued to come once a week with me and we had wonderful visits. I really appreciated their contribution and I know Judy enjoyed their visits with me immensely, and that was of paramount importance to me.

    At the same time it became obvious that Judy’s health was declining at an ever accelerating pace. All three of us wondered where all this was going. For myself, I was at a point of realization for the first time that Judy may not ever get better. Nevertheless, Judy was strong of heart, mind, faith and soul, and determined she was still going to get better. She was a fighter indeed. I still strongly supported her in this belief, but now realized there is a possibility that recovery may not happen. I admired her strength and hope. Through all of this she remained the warm and wonderful Judy I had come to know. And we both had strong faith and believed in possibilities, even if they started to diminish a little bit. God and His universe was a place of eternal hope and love. Who knows what is truly going to happen? In life you can always expect the unexpected, sometimes bad, but sometimes good.

    Over the course of my visits I met one of her sons and his wife and other family members. All of them were smart, engaging and quite friendly. However, when she received visitors like this, I would excuse myself pretty quickly and leave. Why? Because this was family and I did not in any way want to hinder their visits. As close as Judy and I now were, I was not family and I had previously decided to not stand in the way of family. I wanted them to be able to communicate with Judy freely as only family can. They would always insist I stay, but I would gracefully leave after a few minutes. This was their time.

    Judy continued to decline. I was all in to support her, whatever it took. One night back at the hospital, as I was about to leave, I witnessed a medical event that, to be honest, was scary to me, and of course, even more so to Judy. Her heart started racing. One hundred and twenty beats per minute, then one hundred and thirty, and finally all the way up to one hundred and forty-four. The hospital staff dealt with the situation calmly and with expedience. They gave her some medication, and after what seemed to be an eternity, the medication did its job and her heart rate came down.

    During this whole time, we held hands. For the first time ever, I thought, is this the end? Judy told me after things returned to normal, relatively speaking, the thought crossed her mind too. It was a horrible experience for her. This event occurred in her third month in the hospital. It did not bode well. I stayed with her for a good while after until we both believed that the medical event had passed and she was okay.

    I had remained calm and focused while all this was happening as I wanted to reassure Judy that everything was going to be okay, even though I was far from thinking that. Once I said goodnight and got outside to walk to my car, I took more than one deep breath. The crisp winter air tonight felt good for a change. I was able to fairly quickly discharge my adrenaline driven angst. Now, I was just tired and drove home. And yes, I was fine to drive. If I didn’t think I was up to it, I would have called a cab or taken a bus, although bus service would not be great at this time of night. A long walk was on the table too. Like later at Riverview Healthcare Centre, for the same reasons, I parked on a fairly nearby street and even though it was winter, I usually didn’t mind the walk. Besides, it was good for me. lol

  • Love You to the Moon and Back

    A Real Life Story by Glenn Hansen

    Dedicated to Sweet Judith, wherever you are in God’s universe.

    CHAPTER 10

    The internet and Social Media used to be a positive, engaging entity. You could reconnect with friends and make new ones on Facebook. You could read what’s on the minds of people on Twitter (now X). You could enjoy the offerings on YouTube. Add to this Instagram, Tik Tok, Reddit and many others.

    Text messaging is a very useful tool. It was a way for Judy and I to communicate with each other without being intrusive at any time. In my overall daily life, texting is a wonderful tool. I don’t use it for things like, “I’m eating a salad right now” etc. I feel texting is intrusive when it’s an endless barrage of messages talking about what I or someone else was doing minute by minute. This is inane, and for me, irritating and a waste of time. I want to use it to convey what I felt was important and leave it at that. 

    Now though, some social media has descended into a toxic wasteland of lies and hate with an endless bombardment of deceptive advertising, often for dubious products and services. In particular I became very disenchanted with Facebook and Twitter (X). Facebook has unfortunately evolved from a great way to connect with people to a limitless stream of content chosen for you by algorithms. Now, unless they suggest a “Friend,” it’s actually difficult to find someone and connect. Meanwhile, Twitter (X), far from being the deliverer of truth on a global platform, has become so filled with lies, hate and propaganda, it has become deflating to engage on the platform much anymore. And again, algorithms rule the day.

    Yes, the internet and social media are worthwhile, but humanity’s involvement and behaviour has long since moved them to a darker place where greed, hate, power and corruption has slowly embedded themselves. While there are so many good people in the world, there are those who have illicit and inhumane agendas. This is no surprise. It’s why we have wars. When something good comes along, it can be used to improve our lives, or it can be used by some for monetization and nefarious purposes. This is my concern about burgeoning Artificial Intelligence (also referred to as AI). Great things could be accomplished with AI, but, not so great things will rise to the surface as well.

    Judy and I texted regularly. This was a vital connection in our two different worlds, mine being what was happening in the outside world, her’s being about what was happening inside her world at the Riverview Healthcare Centre. More importantly, it allowed me to easily communicate my personal thoughts about her to her at any time and likewise for her. This took many forms. Sometimes I would send her pictures of flowers or interesting subject matter and more, along with my warm words of caring to her. I always told her, in person and via text, that I was always thinking of her, and not to ever forget this. “Love you to the moon and back” had become an integral part of our communication and relationship.

    Back when she was in the hospital I started to gently kiss her on the forehead after asking her permission the first time. As time went on, our embraces became increasingly warm and caring. Then at the healthcare centre, when we hugged, she started kissing me on the cheek or neck. We’re not talking romance here kids. This was genuine friendship on a profound level.

    Believe it or not though, there were people who knew she was very ill, yet still thought something more might be going on. This was, of course, ludicrous. Among other things, I could hardly climb into the sophisticated bed with her that only accommodates one person. Then there’s the never ending stream of healthcare workers coming and going. But, people are people and can conjure up all sorts of ridiculousness. I realize it can be difficult for some to accept that a man and a woman can actually just be loving friends. This is why our culture’s media and celebrity obsession, accelerated now by social media, continues to increasingly spiral out of control in the race for sensationalism. More and more, truth is getting harder to find. It now takes much more discernment and effort.    

    I always wished her goodnight. Sometimes I would design a graphic to send her in the evening expressing this sentiment. We also developed an orange heart, red heart signature for each other. Such was the depth of our friendship. I knew that while she had an improved quality of life for now; thanks to her doctor, the nurses and the aides; this was only temporal. We made the most of this time.

    As time marched on, Judy increasingly wanted me to stay longer and longer. I understood this and did my best to be as accommodating as possible. It was getting more difficult to leave at the end of visits. I sometimes even felt a little guilty, although I knew I shouldn’t. I dedicated a lot of my life to her right now, and was glad to do so and grateful for being able to do it. But, I had to be careful not to overextend myself mentally, emotionally and physically. I was no longer a young man. This was a reality. While I am still reasonably healthy, I have some health issues that are potentially going to impact my life sooner than I would like.

    I also have a son, grandson, brothers and sisters, and their families, along with friends. It was important to me to not neglect them too much. On top of all this, there was the matter of just living life. Doing all the things you needed to keep moving forward on a day to day basis. Groceries, doctor appointments, paying bills, helping out others; these were necessities that had to be done. This is what makes a critical illness situation for the people surrounding someone who is critically ill so complex.

    The hardest part was trying to make some time for myself to unwind, blow off steam and, for me, create. This is a vital element of life we all sometimes neglect and it’s so important to do this and the things we enjoy doing. It allows us to carry on. 

  • Love You to the Moon and Back

    A Real Life Story by Glenn Hansen

    Dedicated to Sweet Judith, wherever you are in God’s universe.

    CHAPTER 8

    It was the start of a new day. This time, I was visiting early in the afternoon. The pleasant welcoming spring weather was still here. I knew the possible realities of my visits, but, as always, I tried to be positive in my hope that today we would be able to converse. That possibility always was encouraging and happening much more often.

    Since Judy was first admitted to Riverview, under the guidance of her wonderful doctor and her whole new regime of prescribed medications; and supported by the warmth, humanity and proficiency of the various nurses and healthcare aides in the ward, Judy made a stunning rebound from the terrible condition she was in when first admitted.

    I thanked God and His universe for this transformation as did Judy. How long these reclaimed days of her life would last was anyone’s guess, but we were making the most of it. After parking, as I walked to the entrance, there he was, the piano player in the window.

    Seeing him play brought me surprising joy. It was because of the joy he was emanating as he played. Music is a wonderful thing, whether you’re a player or a listener. It is one of the most universal and civilized things human beings do regardless of culture or position in the world. Music is the bridge for all people. One of my t-shirts reads “Make Music, Not War.” If only it were that easy.

    As I continued my walk to Judy’s room, I thought about what the circumstance might be for the piano player. Why was he here in this facility? He has his own story just like everyone on the planet. In going through life, we tend to be so self-consumed in our own lives, we forget each and every one of us has a story. Some stories can be happy. Some can be sad. Some can reflect goodness. Some do not. Some can harbour the spectre of a life that’s been lived selfishly, with meanness, and hate. My story is a work in progress in which I hope to elevate myself to become a better person and maybe set an example. I want to be a positive contributor to our world, but I’ve got a way to go.

    And there I was, again, at the precipice of Judy’s door. What was the verdict today? I quietly entered the room and Judy was indeed up and ready to get in her wheelchair and go outdoors. She loved the outdoors and I loved taking her out. After our tender hugs (she was fragile now from the cancer), it wasn’t a simple matter of her jumping out of bed and into the wheelchair. It took the expertise of two hospital aides and an amazing contraption that looked like a very large exercise machine like you would find at a health club. After being tethered to the machine, she was hydraulically lifted from a sitting position on the bed to a standing position, and then swung around gently and placed down in the wheelchair. It was remarkable. Who knew?

    From there, she was connected to a portable oxygen tank that gave us up to an hour and a half of together time beyond the room. I was always careful to regularly check the tank when we were out as I never wanted to cut it too close time wise in terms of running out of oxygen. We were now ready to go and what a lovely day it was to go outside. At first we went to the park all the time, but later when the warmer weather was here to stay, they opened up a very large and well appointed outdoor private courtyard for the patients, their visitors and staff. It was adjacent to the large window-filled indoor common room I mentioned earlier and looked out onto the courtyard. I revved up the engines on the wheelchair with a “zoom zoom” and started with a ridiculously fun little burst of speed with Judy providing the cornering sound effects. We would laugh and laugh as we did this. We did this many times.

    Once on the main level off the elevator, we wasted no time getting to the main doors and going outside. From there it was a pleasant stroll into the park. We would chat off and on, or Judy would close her eyes to rest and feel the air. I always told her that it was quite okay to do this. We were here together, and that was the point. Nary a word had to be exchanged if she wasn’t up to it.

    Being outside like this was reminiscent of our talks outdoors in the late summer and early fall of last year at our apartment building. At this point in time, Judy was physically unable to talk for long periods of time. We still greatly enjoyed our chats nevertheless. It was special as always.

    This became our routine when the weather allowed. Otherwise, we would sit by the windows inside the common room and look at and be nurtured by nature. We enjoyed being together anywhere in and around Riverview.

    Riverview Healthcare Centre also offered a variety of enjoyable programs. On our outings, when the time was in sync with my visits, we would partake of some of these programs. This included live music performances in the large indoor common room, and art presentations which featured an artist literally creating a sophisticated illustration right before our eyes in the “Kitchen”, the aforementioned common room that was a multi-purpose area in her ward at the centre. The artist was amazing. He probably excelled at playing the old board/drawing game Pictionary.

    These were two of our favourite programs. Additionally, Judy liked to play bingo in the “Kitchen.” She didn’t need me present to play and it was a diversion for her from what I would call her long dreary days. Her increasing amount of rest and sleep provided some escape along with my and the visits of others.

    Sometimes, in the later afternoon, we would have “dinner” in the common room by the windows looking out onto the courtyard. For a break from the healthcare centre’s meals, I would order food for us from the excellent restaurant service located in the Centre. “Dinner” was usually sharing some tasty fries along with a raspberry/cranberry fruit juice. Judy might eat ten fries at most with ketchup, but she really enjoyed having them. We would chat and laugh as we enjoyed our “meal” and this special time together. When “dinner” coincided with a music show or other events, we would laughingly call it “a show and dinner date.”

    In the back of my mind though were always two thoughts: what is her oxygen level and the realization that she was critically ill and the prognosis was her life was coming to an end sooner than later. I wanted her to have the most enjoyable time possible.

  • Love You to the Moon and Back

    A Real Life Story by Glenn Hansen

    Dedicated to Sweet Judith, wherever you are in God’s universe.

    CHAPTER 6

    On Friday morning, my friend and I went to the hospital to pack up Judy’s belongings. There were assorted clothing, gifts from various people including, of course, her family, and other odds and ends. Oh, and of course, we packed up the cribbage game. One other item that was of real importance to Judy was her Irish bodhran, a type of drum that could possibly predate Christianity in its original form, and certainly had evolved to some prominence by the nineteenth century. The bodrhan seems to have originated in southwest Ireland, although there are possible Scottish roots as well. You can play the drum with your hand or with a drumstick called the cipin or tipper. It’s a popular instrument in folk music.

    At one point we did a performance together at the apartment building where we lived, Judy on her bodrhan and me playing guitar and singing, before a live audience. It was a treasured moment for both of us, although, I had my doubts about ever doing another performance together. Time would tell.   

    We packed up her belongings with precision and expedience. It was not yet determined what time exactly the transfer to the new healthcare facility was going to happen. We collectively decided my friend and I would leave and Judy would call me when the transfer was going to take place and that we would meet her at Riverview. While we were packing up, it was quite evident that Judy’s health was rapidly degrading right before our eyes. For now, there was nothing more my friend and I could do except let Judy rest. We would see here next at the new facility. And with that, we left.

    It was, for me, an early morning. I liked to arise around “nine o’clockish,” 9:30 in Newfoundland. In case you’re wondering, the Newfoundland reference is a gently humourous reference to Newfoundland’s special time zone on the east coast of Canada which is a half hour out of sync with the rest of the Canadian time zones. What you should know about Newfoundland and Labrador is that they are Canadian geographical and cultural treasures. We went for coffee and a bite. And then we waited for the call.

    The call from Judy came at around 2:00 p.m. She was already at Riverview. There was no opportunity to call us before then. Carol and I were on the road in a flash to go over there. I dropped Carol off at the front door of Riverview and parked on the aforementioned side street and then briskly walked to the entrance to meet back up with Carol. From there we quickly located where Judy was and anxiously made our way up to her room. When we saw her, she was looking very depleted and grim. We were then kindly asked if we could leave the room for a few minutes so the staff could get her settled in her room and do an assessment of her condition first hand. We, of course, obliged. What I noticed about the staff was their warmth and graciousness in making their request for us to leave the room. It was almost apologetically and with compassion. They said it would not take too long.

    We went to the ward’s multi-functional common room and waited. When Judy was first admitted to the previous hospital, to my surprise, she listed me as a principal contact. While sitting in the common room, a front desk ward staff member approached me to confirm who I was as she had again listed me as one of the principal contacts, which I confirmed. This struck a nerve in me and a few tears welled up in my eyes. Who was I to be one of the principal contacts anyway? We only met at the end of this past summer. It demonstrated to me though how much our relationship had expanded, the trust we now had in one another. It also registered on a profound level now how serious and dire her health situation had become.   

    After a short while, we were able to go in and see Judy. She was very tired, and we talked briefly. Then we just let her fall asleep and watched over her with great, but still calm concern. After a short while, we departed and headed home. I was very grateful I had Carol with me that day to lend her invaluable support. It had been a tough day for me on many levels.

  • Love You to the Moon and Back

    A Real Life Story by Glenn Hansen

    Dedicated to Sweet Judith, wherever you are in God’s universe.

    CHAPTER 5

    In the five months of our daily hospital visitations, we did learn so much more about each other and our friendship continued to grow and flourish. There was so much I liked about Judy. Her intelligence, positive demeanor, strength of character, and her giving and caring nature, all in an increasingly difficult personal situation. She gave me encouragement, hope and strength in many aspects of my life. As I am one who struggles trying to find a way forward for humanity and determined to work toward a pure heart, she was golden for me. Often, after a visit at the hospital, I would find my spirit elevated.

    I, of course, reciprocated by caring deeply for her, providing for her needs in any way I could; and talk about our shared optimism, spiritualism and the love and hope it provided. I also tried to use humour to take the edge off of the ongoing situation. I loved the feisty fun way Judy would sometimes respond. That was my dear friend Judy.

    Fairly early on in my visits to the hospital, is when she first texted me “Love you to the moon and back,” in saying goodnight one evening. At first, I honestly did not know what to make of this. It was a nice sentiment for her to express to me, but what did this mean? I had never heard this before and didn’t realize it was a saying. While I do have some language prowess, I never encountered this phrase before.

    On my visit the next day, I asked her about this. She said it was a familiar saying and that it was probably her favourite expression to share with people she felt close to. What a wonderful thing to say to someone. I had never heard the expression or what its context is before. It made me feel good and reaffirmed that what I was doing in coming to see her every day was the right thing to do. Actually, it was more than just worthwhile; on a profound level we had a special connection and it made me more determined than ever to visit her daily. My heart and head agreed on this.  

    It was in the hospital that another game came back into my life, cribbage. I hadn’t played this in years but I picked up the game and it became a featured element in our visits for quite awhile until Judy couldn’t sit up for an extended period anymore. We would laugh and make jokes about each other as it related to the many games we played. It turns out I was a cheater even if I lost the game. It was all part of my illicit long term game strategy. We enjoyed many hours of playing. It was an escape for her from the otherwise increasingly dreary, weary days that she was spending alone in the hospital ward.

    After five plus months, her condition had seriously degraded to the point where survival became very uncertain. But then, God’s universe opened a door for her. It was on a Thursday when I was surprised to get a phone call from Judy. Texting was our main mode of remote communication. She was being transferred out of the regular hospital into a specialized healthcare facility, Riverview Healthcare Centre, tomorrow morning. She wanted to know if I could come in the morning to pack her up for the trip. I said, “of course.” The stretcher service was going to take her and her belongings to the new place. I decided to ask a young at heart dear older friend, Carol, for her assistance and she was happy to oblige. I remained calm and focused on the task at hand, but I wondered what was going to follow as a result of this new development. I know Judy did as well.   

  • Love You to the Moon and Back

    A Real Life Story by Glenn Hansen

    Dedicated to Sweet Judith, wherever you are in God’s universe.

    CHAPTER 4

    I first met Judy when she moved into my apartment building at the end of the previous summer. She was in a wheelchair and needed oxygen, but I had no idea, and I don’t think she did either, as to how unwell she already was. She was very determined to get well and believed she would. So did I.

    Judy was very well liked by everyone at the apartment building I lived in. Her caring essence, warm approachability and thoughtful intelligence made her very special. We were all drawn to her as we recognized she was a shining star in God’s universe.

     We clicked from the very beginning. It started with four of us playing Scrabble. She was pretty good. I hadn’t played Scrabble in years, but it was nice to play in such a friendly group. While Judy herself could not partake from the occasional bottle of wine we sometimes shared, it added, dare I say, to the sophistication of the event. Okay, probably not, but we had fun.

    Our friendship progressed very rapidly. It wasn’t a romantic relationship. We just connected on a very profound level. We were both creative types and for the first time in my adult life, with the exception of my son, someone really understood what I was about as an artist and encouraged me in my various artistic pursuits, especially the music, which was most important to me. She too was very talented artistically, especially when it came to her illustrations. I would watch her do an illustration and marvel how easily and gracefully it flowed from her hand. I was grateful I could return the encouragement.

    We started to go outside two and even three times a day to talk about the arts, and then got into world perspectives, spiritualism, relationships and how people should be much kinder, helpful and compassionate toward each other. We wished people would help each other to achieve their goals instead of embracing the virulent aspects of human behaviour. Is this even possible? I refuse to give up on this hope, while acknowledging it’s not likely. We need to seek this though so that humanity does not totally self destruct. Can we do it? That’s the massive challenge we face. This, of course, is where spiritual beliefs come into play. For both of us, love is a key spiritual factor.

    Our relationship flourished on this basis for about five weeks. Then, a health event intervened. In the middle of the night in early fall Judy called for an ambulance. Her back was causing her much discomfort and she was taken to a nearby hospital. I learned of this the next morning and immediately headed for the hospital to see what was happening.

    It turned out she had two cracked vertebrae in her back. Thinking this was the only issue, I told her I would come and visit her every day at the nearby hospital. We figured she would be there for no more than two weeks. As it turned out, other health issues started to surface and two weeks turned into a month, then two months and finally it was over five months. Judy was becoming increasingly ill as time went on. This is when we learned that her cancer was no longer in remission. It was much more serious than I ever realized.  

    I had still been seeing her every day, and given the turn of events, more determined than ever to be there, but I finally had to take an occasional break. After all this time, I was starting to run out of energy and had to recharge from time to time. I couldn’t let my battery totally run out because then I would be of no good to Judy or the other important people in my life. Taking the occasional break was hard to do because I was so committed, but I understood the big picture.

    During this time, at Judy’s request, I became her formal health advocate. I’m not at all an aggressive person, but, I have no problem doing what must be done either, and in this case it included talking honestly with her doctors in the hospital and getting answers about her treatments, care strategies and so on. For the past five months we had been working on getting her back home to her apartment first, then into an assisted living care facility, but neither of these scenarios was ultimately possible due to her worsening condition.

  • ClimateX

    Climate change. It was a big issue for a long time. A media darling, too. Then, just like that, it was a nothing burger. Yes, I know it is real. I agree with the objectives of the message. At the end of the day though, it was just not important enough in the world of reality. The reality? Money, power and jobs is what matters the most to people in the developed world (the rest of the world, too, but, that’s for another time).

    It was a moment of considerable inconvenience that threatened profits for wealthy owners, big companies and shareholders. As for the jobs part, that’s you and me. Since money is, unfortunately, the top tier of our want lists, we will take the jobs and money over whatever the speculative problems might be for the future generations to come. No need to be embarrassed. This is reality.

    We’re beyond the expiry date for stabilizing the planet’s climate now. Yes, we should still continue to work to try and make the major changes needed in powering our industrial platform. Truth is, it’s going to take a long time. Not even government is enlightened enough because they too, need the cash.  

    So don’t give up. Keep trying. In the meantime, there are other factors that could mitigate the current conundrum. We might make a breakthrough technological discovery that could rescue us. Or, since the world and universe is much greater than anything humans could ever contrive (personally, I would put God at the top of this list), maybe it will bring back an ice age sooner than expected, in which case, we may want that global heating back. On this matter I grade us “A” for effort and “F” for effectiveness.      

  • Fake Friends

    You see them chatting in the hallway

    They say hello and ask “how’s your day”

    Sometimes they want to stop and talk

    Get some good gossip they can walk

    You think you know someone

    Next thing you know you’re done

    You’re done

    Fake friends say they care but they don’t

    Fake friends say they’ll help but they won’t

    Fake friends only care ‘bout themselves

    They don’t see anybody else   no no no no

    They don’t see anybody else

    Constant complaining is what they do

    Give them a million, the bills aren’t new

    Do them a good turn, means nothing

    Nothing always becomes something

    You think you know someone

    Next thing you know you’re done

    You’re done

    Fake friends say they care but they don’t

    Fake friends say they’ll help but they won’t

    Fake friends only care ‘bout themselves

    They don’t see anybody else   no no no no 

    They don’t see anybody else   no no no no 

    They don’t see anybody else

    Fake friends

    Everywhere

    They don’t care

    No no no no

    Lyrical poetry by GS Hansen   copyright SOCAN